A letter to Big Brother from the Kasie(NAMIBIA)

Here we go
Dear Big Brother a.k.a Biggie,

Namibia sent you two young nat agter die ore girls who embarrassed us on the first night by being the first to ask for chwala (alcohol) just a few minutes into the house and suiping (drinking) it like there is no tomorrow.
Don’t give them alcohol again please – let them steal it or zula from others if they have to.

Because, ai hene, you have no idea what will happen when they bring out their Tura manners. You are lucky, they forgot to stash the 061 big brown bottles (Windhoek Lager) into their luggage, otherwise it would probably not just have been tongues wagging but bottles flying in all directions after someone rubbed them the wrong way.

Big Brother, I am not saying they would have done it per se – they look like classy ladies, but be warned that Namibians don’t just argue, cry and then go to bed after being pissed off when in that delusional state.

Ask our mbashu (shebeen) owners here in da Tura what happens after a night of heavy partying, how many broken bottles they have to sweep out the next morning and how they run out of Elasto Plus bandages. An example is our barking artist who has won several awards in the land of Mandela but who has also had his share of bad luck that left him with some unwanted facial decorations.

Biggie, have you ever thought about the families that could be traumatised because of your entertainment show? My broer, not every contestant in your show comes from an upmarket surburb where neighbours only see each once a year or on television.
In da Tura, everybody knows what you wore yesterday, what you ate, drank and who you saw. Every lokasie here has its own Tant Mina – that notorious auntie who always knows something about everybody.

I don’t know where Junia and Jessica come from but I am praying that they don’t come from our own xomacha (upside down) Tura because I can tell you now that Tant Mina has already started making her rounds and poisoning every other neighbour against those girls’ families.

Don’t worry about Lady May, our contestant in Upville though. She can stand her own woman. Last time she sent shivers down the spines of all the Tant Minas when she stuck out her middle finger and uttered some words not fit for this page. But since you insist on knowing what she said, Biggie – she said, “Good night mother lovers.”

I don’t think even the tokolosies would want to look in her direction when she talks, they know not to mess with her.
Those other housemates in Upville and some lousy Nija fans are kamma surprised about the behaviour of the lady of the fifth month – they are just jealous, man.

NBC (our national broadcaster) can keep its cheap change that it denied the ‘Naked One’ for expressing her right to be pissed off. We are going for the big moola, Biggie. Warn Africa that all those fake-eyed and fake-haired contestants have nothing on Lady May’s natural beauty – Roki the ‘Weirdo’ from Zim can attest to that.

And when you meet Lady M in the diary room, please tell her not to fall for Roki’s advances; she must rather go for ‘Scary Weave’ from Zambia’s advice and marry a laanie when she comes out of that house. Word has it that they are better at handling such loads of dollars and won’t advise the ‘Naked One’ to open another car wash and a mbashu in da Tura.
With that, I salute you Biggie!
Sorry Ngo!
source bigbrother africa