Designed to be Under a Man Monalisa Chinda

I am honestly still mulling over the comments by Monalisa Chinda to Sunday Entertainment Express over the weekend. I was discussing it with some friends and a few of them mentioned she was just being honest to herself and her beliefs, and I applaud her for that. When asked if she would like to re-marry one day, the actress replied,

"I would love to. I am designed to be under a man. I am not going to lie that I like the single mother thing going on. I believe in marriage. Whether you like it or not, it is the best option but it's not a do or die thing though. I have been there before and if I'm going to do it again, it has to be right by the Grace of God. I am not ready to make another mistake."

So this is not about Monalisa, I'll just like us to consider the words, "designed to be under a man" and how that relates to relationships. Considering it from three levels, 

1. designed to be under a man - men generally
2. designed to be under any man - any man you end up in any kind of relationship with
3. designed to be under a specific man - a man who loves you in a mutually respectful relationship.


The first and second are obviously out. The third seems workable on the face of it. Yes, traditional gender roles that prescribed fixed responsibilities and duties for men and women can work for two specific people who are in a relationship. But they can also be problematic for a lot of reasons, the main one being caging people in, both the man and woman in the relationship chafe at such ball and chain, and before you know it, they begin to act out.

I also believe in marriage, and if I had to describe the relationship between husband and wives, I would choose words different from

Designed makes it seem like you're giving up responsibility for your life to an outside power beyond your control, so I would use prefer, want, enjoy, in order words, be particular about your choices.

I would also say "with" rather than under. Under can be quite restrictive, and can be subject to abuse. However, when you're with someone, you can be under, over, beside, behind, ahead, in other words, you have more room to maneuver, more freedom to be real, and to be your full self.